Saturday, December 6, 2008

Think of me as a cat

I like cats. They are elegant, graceful, clean, intentional, independent, and... OMG sexy. What does "sexy" mean coming from an asexual anyway - should I even be allowed to use that word?! Yes, I reserve the right to use it and redefine it as I see fit to describe my experience. And no, it doesn't mean I'm into animals [rolls eyes]. The sexiness of cats is in their confident demeanor, their sleek moves, their self-awareness, their soft hair... all of which makes me want to touch and connect with these beings. I too have felt "sexy" sometimes, and to me, that doesn't imply I was out to find someone to mate with. When I feel sexy, I feel confident and comfortable in my body, I feel physically beautiful, fit, strong, and attractive. I may put on clothes that emphasise my figure. I may want to be seen, touched and appreciated. And yet! It does NOT mean I want to be groped or laid. Wrap your head around that...

When it comes to physical affection and sensuality, the best analogy I can come up with is to think of me as a cat. A cat will choose people she wants to snuggle with, and will freely touch and rub against any part of their body, as long as she likes and trusts the person. Humans generally have no reservations petting other people's cats, and there is no expectation either by the cat or by the person that a committed monogamous relationship or sex will ensue. After a mutually enjoyable petting session, one or the other simply directs their attention to something else. This is how I would be - if I did not have too many socially imposed reservations in place! Think of how easy it is for puppies to huddle together in a pile and sleep... Or how naturally and freely small children touch and look at each other and are affectionate, without expectations and rules... That's what I miss! As we grow up, we are expected to narrow down our physical affection mostly to our sexual partner, and in limited doses, to a few friends. Friends don't usually walk down the street holding hands, are not allowed to touch all body parts, don't gaze into each other's eyes, don't sleep holding each other, don't lovingly stroke each other... Affectionate physical contact between friends has unspoken rules about limited duration and intensity - otherwise sexual interest is to be assumed. People crave loving touch, and so find functional reasons and excuses to "have to" touch each other for some apparent purpose other than just physical enjoyment and bonding. How sad!

Let's make a new world.

1 comment:

  1. I am all for making a new world! I agree that it would be great to be able to have affectionate relationships with multiple people. I hate the boundaries around friendship and romantic relationships. If I want to be physical with one of my friends, chances are they would either find it weird or be into it but try to turn it into something sexual.